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Category : Photo Stories

23 Nov 2021

GETTING BOMBED

It’s a subtle insider message. Legionnaires know what it means. Unlike a tank or a anti-aircraft gun which are obvious war machines and adorn most American Legion chapters, this one picked a different symbol.

Sure, to the average viewer it’s just another decoration but the guys know what really means. It’s the place to go to be with your fellow vets and enjoy a few brews, in fact QUITE a few brews. They even take turns being designated drivers. …

22 Nov 2021

CANNAN IRONY

Way back around around the second millenium B.C. God reportedly told Joshua to head over to what is now Palestine and kill everyone. Kind of harsh if you ask me.

I’m not a biblical scholar, of course. I’ve tried reading it, but just don’t get the old English writing. I don’t understand Shakespeare either. But I know how to Google stuff.

I wonder if this woman knows the story. Could be.…

21 Nov 2021

CRAMPS

Everybody gets them, some more than others. They suck and can be debilitating. Runners coming into the homestretch can suddenly be cripple by painful cramps. I’ve been woken up by a huge knot in my leg that has to be walked off until it loosens up.

And there are no cramps like the ones courageous women face when birthing us.

Remedies abound. Drink more water. Keep up your electrolytes, take supplements. But did you know there are special elixirs formulated to relieve us of these painful episodes? They are so effective and popular that there is a franchise specializing offering these elixirs.

If you get cramps, look for one of these stores opening up near you!…

20 Nov 2021

THE PORTAL

Andrew takes his job seriously. He has worn out countless shoes pacing back and forth in front the the portal door, guarding it like he did guard duty during his days in the Army. Back then he was armed with an M16. These days he carries a finger buzzer.

While it sounds benign and perhaps a bit silly, Andrew’s finger buzzer is a weapon to be respected.

It draws it power from the portal behind the door. If threaten, Andrew can activate the buzzer and control its effect.

For merely annoying disturbances he can activated at it’s lowest setting. The annoying person, worm, can of Sprite or in-law is zapped back five minutes in time. This shocks and disorients them an usually they wander, roll or wriggle their way off and the annoyance is gone.

For more serious threats, like a bulldozer charging at him at 80 mph firing rockets and wads of dirt, Andrew can really buzz it, entirely vaporizing the threat and turning it into millions of down feathers that simply blow away.

Andrew plans to retire next month. He says he won’t mind saving on shoes but will miss his buzzer.…

19 Nov 2021

ENGINE 33

Thomas the Train was a darling little blue train with a happy face and a story narrated by George Carlin. Engine 33 isn’t cut from the same loaf. It’s not even the same kind of bread. Thomas was the kind of “Yes I can, yes I can train. Engine 33 is more likely to say F@ck it, I’m done!” and walk off the job train. (Well roll off the job.)

Thomas belongs to the Screen Actors Guild and was paid well. He even got red M&M breaks between scenes. It was scrubbed and polished everyday and had a stunt double to pull heavy loads.

Life for Engine 33 is different. It’s a contract employee in the real world, paid like crap, no benefits, no security, no time off. But it’s better than rusting.

But things are changing. It’s a key link in the supply chain and knows it. So do other contract engines. Every third week they meet in the roundhouse and discuss their options. With luck and some good organizing, things will get better for them.…

18 Nov 2021

FLY KICKER

It’s an art, a special martial art requiring mental focus as well as physical coordination. Unlike some martial arts that offer students techniques to hurt other people, to bruise them, break their bones and rattle their brain, fly kicking is strictly an internal art practiced to enhance one’s focus can coordination.

Fly kickers begin their train with floating feathers and progress to some of the larger, less agile flies, like those big horse flies that love to bite you in the head when swimming.

There are few Fly Kicker Masters from whom to learn and they are judicious in selecting students. A Fly Kicker Master can knock a fruit fly unconscious with a flick of her ankle. Iea eali see this chap down at the park in the morning with open jars of manure to attract his opponents.

He never kills the flies, just stuns them and put them in little beds to recover. More times than not, he misses but he perseveres.…

17 Nov 2021

FINGERS

With a name like Fingers, certain professions come to mind. Cracking safes is a sure bet. The crook who could spin that dial and miraculously open the heavy iron door did it with his delicately sensitive fingers and was no doubt called Fingers, Or maybe Bob.

This Fingers traveled a different career path before settling on opening a radiator warehouse. Some people think he worked in a morgue collecting digits after the bosses had left for the night. Others say he was that creepy guy on the bus you wouldn’t want to sit next to. Some rumors have it that he was a poker hustler or a wicked ragtime piano player.

The real story is far more intriguing.

After graduating high school Fingers got a job pumping gas and washing windshields. The fumes made him nauseous so he quit and got a job at MacDonalds, quickly mastering the french fry machine and the art of microwaving pre cooked meat. After a few years he worked his way up to manager where he stayed for almost ten years.

Know he could better he jumped ship to become the night shift manager at Walmart, overseeing the cleaning crews and restocking the shelves. By working nights and sleeping days he had little time to spend his money and after a while built up a nice savings account.

When he reach his fortieth birthday, he realized almost half his life had passed and he was ready for a new radicle direction, so he bought a radiator warehouse which he has successfully owned and operated since 1989.

How did he get the name Fingers? It’s his last name. His dad gave it to him.…

16 Nov 2021

HOLIDAY SPECIAL

Maybe you missed it. The special only lasted one day. Of course it was a rather special “special.” Probably not one of your everyday items like toilet paper of vibrating condoms. The prices seem a little all over the map, too, from free to $500.

I also wonder if this might be a clever lost leader. The labor rates are clearly, though confusingly posted but what about the hidden costs? Who supplies the locations? I bet that’s extra. And what about the “live” ones? There surely must be a knock ’em on the head so they fall down fee or wrap ’em up in duct tape at $100 per roll.

If these are specials I what are the regular rates?…

15 Nov 2021

AGONY SONG

I was in my studio and could hear horrible sounds emanating from the street. It was alarming. It sounded like a man in pain screaming at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t see who it was from my window but the shrills were piercing. I knew I needed to call 911 quickly and rushed downstairs to better understand what was happening.

A lone man stood on the corner whaling, he was obviously in great pain yet no one would go near him. As I drew close I noticed he was playing a guitar as he screamed. He did not appear injured and when he saw me he stopped, looked at me and asked “How cha like it, man? Wanna hear more?”

I looked him for a moment. Walked up, grabbed his guitar and exercising great restraint I smashed it on the curb. I had considered smashing it on his head.…

14 Nov 2021

GOING GREEN

Verde was always a nature girl. She loved the woods especially in the summertime when the the leaves are full and green. Her south facing room was so full of plants she could have sold CO2 offsets. At night she dreamed of living in the treetops, swaying in the wind and and listening to the rustle of leaves.

As she grew older she started green clubs at school and later became a member of the Green party. She studied botany at college where she met like-minded friends. One night she was invited to a midnight gathering. Puzzled why it was starting so late she was told it was when photosynthesis slowed and the plants rested. She was still puzzled but went anyway.

About twenty people were gathered in a small room lit only by a dim red light. Each was given a leaf and a small nut. The leaf smelled like mint and the nut smelled like a hickory. For an hour not much happened. Soft music played with sound of wind in the background. It was weird but relaxing. As the night wore on Verde became hungry and began nibbling at her nut. It was delicious and was soon gone but it left a bit of an aftertaste so she sucked gently on the mint leaf and slowly dozed off.

When she awoke it was morning and only a few people remained. Each of them had been given a plastic bag to store their leaf and nut and appeared to regard them with wonder and a little bit of fear. Verde had been given a bag too, but slept through whatever instructions had been given. One of the other attendees, Alba, asked where her leaf and nut were. When she explained that she ate them. Alba stared at her wide-eye and was too flustered to speak.…