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Category : Photo Stories

13 Nov 2021

GRANDPA JOE

It looks like your typical warm and fuzzy retirement story. A hardworking man labors his whole life, savoring the time he can retire and open a candy store. And that’s actually the story here. Joe Pizzarelli graduated from college in 1959 and went on to earn two advanced degrees, one in neuroscience and the other in biochemistry, worked his whole life and open this little shop in 2015.

Joe was drafted in 1970 and instead of being shipped to the killing fields he was placed at DARPA to apply his specialized knowledge to projects only conspiracy nuts would believe.

After ten years at DARPA he was released and started his own company developing biochemical agents that intermingled with the body’s neurology to create certain desired effects such as aggression, passivity and obedience. His primary client was the US Military. He stayed under the radar enough to avoid being crushed by big pharma. Being associated with DARPA didn’t hurt either.

But that’s all behind him now. Each day he gladly gets up at dawn to work in his shop making candy. He wears a red pinstripe shirt, a little bowtie and an apron that says “Go ahead and eat your candy, that’s what toothbrushes are for!”

The shop is very popular especially with parents who are eager to indulge their children. It’s become routine for to include candy for the kids at breakfast time and at every meal.

They marvel at how well behaved their children are when they get their daily allowance of Grandpa Joe’s special candy. Toothbrush sales are brisk.…

12 Nov 2021

LAB BEEF

They look totally real. Driving past, you’d never suspect they were grown in a lab. But if you stop to offer them a carrot or to take a picture, things become weird. They don’t move.

They aren’t statues. They’re hairy and smelly but they aren’t your sperm-meets-egg cows.

They are the latest innovation in lab-grown beef.

Knowing the public is wary about fake food, the food science industry has developed a way to create a cow-shaped impossible burger. 🍔 They reason that if it looks like real food, people will eat it.

Putting them outside in a field to cure is the final step of the process. It’s revolutionary. There is even a team working on creating impossible manure.

Of course, don’t expect impossible cow at your grocer anytime soon. More refinement is needed. Currently it costs roughly $10,000 per pound to produce one cow which weighs in at about 1500 lbs and of that 1500 lbs only about 100 lbs is edible. So it’s still a bit pricey.

They are also working on the flavor. As you might expect, they taste like chicken.…

11 Nov 2021

INKY

For years he was the center of the water ride, a fountain of mirth. Delightful squeals filled the air and his heart was bursting with joy. But slowly the waters receded and the squeals faded. The water ride was abandoned.

At this point one might lament the sad turn of events and the sorrowful fate of Inky. But, lament not, for Inky long ago transcended the roller coaster of earthly woes to achieve a perpetual state of bliss. In other words he’s a happy clown.…

10 Nov 2021

TREECYCLING

They do things differently down in the Pinelands. They even do some things not done elsewhere, like treecycling.

Growing up among trees its not unexpected that kids would develop tricks not easily imitated. In many urban places, the skateboard rules and has challenged, bruised, scraped more than one rider. Down in the Pines they take it to another lever. While passing through one summer day, we met some intrepid cyclers who indicated they could ride straight up a tree.

We were sceptical and suggested they show us. It turns out that they only cycle up white cedars that they’ve groomed and we weren’t in that area. To put our skepticism to rest one of the cyclist easily demonstrated his straight up style.

I was convinced. I could readily envision him heading straight up the trunk all the way to the crown. What I forgot to ask is what happens when he got there?…

09 Nov 2021

CANDIDATES

We are are barely past the 2021 elections and already congressional candidates are touring and making their pitches. I suppose it’s no secret that there is a higher level of anxiety and anger these days and that a certain political party is stoking those emotions. It’s getting scarey. I hope this guy doesn’t get elected.…

08 Nov 2021

A-41F MEGALINER

Bowing and Grumman have collaborated on designing and building the largest passenger plane ever imagined, carrying up to 1000 people. It will employ revolutionary reverse quantum vacuum engines that run entirely on theory. With this design the engines pull the plane forward without fuel and use conventional airfoil principles to provide lift.

The designs are secret and the companies are not releasing any information but a photo of the cockpit was recently leaked showing that operating this massive plane will require six pilots.

The technology was first developed back in the 1960s but the blueprints were inadvertently used by the inventor’s kids for making paper hats and kites. He did not know this and assumed they were lost or stolen. Despondent, he quit his job as an engineer and became a beet farmer.

Blueprint paper was very durable back then and one of the kites was discovered recently stuck in the top of a tulip tree. Production is underway.

07 Nov 2021

DEPRESSED BUOY

There was a time when he was rugged and strong and as a North Sea fishing boat captain. He’d gladly be attached to nets or lobster traps to mark their location and assure the catch. It was a worthy life and he knew his worth. But as the seas got warmer and industrial fishing became greedier, the fish and lobster became scarcer and scarcer and fishing became a zero sum enterprise. The corporations scoured the sea usurping everything. Fishing was no longer noble, just a way to maximize quarterly returns.

The fleets of small boats were driven from the ocean.

His fishing boat was rotting in the harbour when he was spotted by two very, avant garde designers who plucked him from the boat and took him back to the city to serve as a window decoration.

They were quite please with their “oh-so-hip” display, while our once noble buoy could only languish and dream that a new generation captain will someday come pluck him from the window and throw him back into the sea. …

06 Nov 2021

TRUMPET TOM

He looks like a regular street musician, a busker. His horn is tarnished and looks well used. He expertly fingers the valves and puckers his cheek in earnest effort. But when I passed by I was baffled. It wasn’t the sound of a horn I heard, it was a piano. He was playing Bohemian Rhapsody, no small feat for a regular piano player, much less a trumpet player. Each note was crisp and melodic and could have been coming from a baby grand.

I stared. He smiled and opened the spit valve of his horn to flush it out.

I was about to ask what was going on when he simply started playing again. This time emulating the tones of guitars hitting the first few chords of Smoke on the Water. I threw a fiver in his case.

The Pocket Kamera Project by Bill Brokaw
05 Nov 2021

SNOWMAN POOP

Sure, we all would expect snowman poop simply to be snowballs, but they have much more complex gastrointestinal systems than commonly known. When mammals eat lucious, leafy food and fruit it gets converted and changes quite a bit before being expelled. It’s the same with snowmen.

What is surprising is the transformation that takes place. Their intake does not just get converted into a simple waste product. It becomes something new. What it becomes, depends on the species of snowman. Here in the midlatitudes it takes on a vegetative nature. Pictured here is Snowmus squashim which produced highly valued white pumpkins used by Starbucks for their pumpkin lattes. …

04 Nov 2021

COMMAND CENTER

She seemed so innocuous. Just another mom out shopping and stopping to get some photo prints made. The local Walmarts are not as crowded as the have been in the past, especially the non-food areas, so she took advantage of this to pursue her mission. What better way to hide nefarious actions that right out in the open? As I wandered by and I looked up at all the TVs they suddenly flashed to high resolution satellite images of our nuclear missile batteries. Apparently she realised this and quickly switched them back. But that gave me time to notify NORAD.

Within minutes she was surrounded by large men with sunglasses dressed in Walmart vests who led her away. It happened so quickly hardly anyone noticed.

After they left I saw a scrap of paper on the floor where she had been sitting and picked up.

It was a list, partially check off: bananas, toilet paper, Jello, pickled pig hooves, oranges, disable nuclear arsenal, sponges and paper towels. Shocking. I had no idea Walmart sold pig hooves.…