There used to be two. They were great knockers on the steel doors of the castle. They had to be massive for the knocking to be heard in the great halls. 

Visitors were few. The castle was built in the middle of a snake and evil teddy bear-filled swamp.  If you didn’t get bit by a snake the bears might get to you, hugging your legs and head, making travel impossible.

This was the third castle built here.  The other two had sunk into the swamp. Each time the great knockers had to be reforged by the great blacksmith, Bob.

I heard the legends and made the perilous journey to Nebraska to witness the iron rings for myself.  I brought a flame thrower and some Teddy Bear Go Away Spray to make it through the swamp.

When I got there, I found only one great iron ring, the other having been stolen by some kids. I pounded it on the door and heard the echoes inside the castle.  The great doors began to creak slowly open. Then, standing before me like a mystic image was a hooded being that beckoned me inside.

I stood in the great hall, peeling off evil teddy-bears.  The hooded figure was gone and I was alone in the dim light of wall torches.  I could feel a heavy dark presence and held my flame thrower ready. Soon a tall, massive dark figure approached me.  I could feel fear building inside me.

The figure asked if had its package. When I said no, it lifted me high and threw me out the door into swamp.  Snakes and evil teddy bears converged on me.

Before it slammed the great metal door the massive dark figure growled, “I thought you were Amazon.”

I knew I would never make it out alone and hailed an Uber. He charged me extra for the evil teddy bears.

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