17 Feb 2022


Let’s be perfectly clear about this.No “innocently” loading on your truck and driving away.This could catch on.I’m going to put signs like this on everything in front my yard.

16 Feb 2022


Larry’s friends are merciless when to comes to his preferred game, wild mice. “Yeah, they call me Mouseman but I don’t care. There is nothing like a freshly roasted mouse with some ketchup. Plus it takes a shitload more skill to peg a tiny mouse rustling under some leaves than blasting a giant deer from a tree stand.” Larry is proud of his hunting prowess but he does tend to get a little defensive about it. I asked him what’s […]

15 Feb 2022


Who would have thought that you could make a powerful and delicious liquor from compost? I suppose I should have had an idea. I always seemed to catch a little bit of a buzz whenever I packed a wad of it between cheek and gum in late summer while cutting grass or doing some other mundane lawn crap. I always figured it was from the old coffee grounds mixed with worm castings, but no, that was some good ol’ fashion […]

14 Feb 2022


The James Webb space telescope cost about 10 billion dollars and doesn’t even pick up ESPN. We threw that sucker out a million miles from earth so we could look at stars. I can see stars from my backyard, at least some of them. However I’m told it’s not “visible” stuff we want to see. It’s the invisible stuff. I sometimes see invisible stuff, but no one believes me. (I find it’s better not to mention this too often, especially […]

13 Feb 2022


When Maggie and Thrump Kithpepper decided to open an ice cream stand in Culthton NY to sell their ice cream directly to the public they had no idea how popular it would be. People lined up for scoops every single night throughout the year, especially when there were events at the schools, Little League games, Pop Warner tournaments and all those other community events that require going out for ice cream afterwards. Maggie and Thrump had no problem making plenty […]

12 Feb 2022


Walter had it with dating sites He struggled to create the perfect profile. He took a million selfies in his car to get just the right look. He browsed his dating sites everyday (he belonged to eight of them) and sent out hundreds of cute, respectful messages to prospective dates. His hit rate was about 11%. Eleven out of a hundred women responded and most of those were admonishments to leave them alone. So far after 6-8 months he’d been […]

11 Feb 2022

The Third Eye Detectives

When you have a mystery to solve, a killer to capture, an unfaithful spouse to spy upon, you need more than a guy in gum shoes. You need an enlightened psychic sleuth. You need someone who leverages the metaphysical, extra-paranormal realm to reveal the truth. Madam Gladys Ettyburg has solved every case she’s ever been handed without even leaving her lair. She knows who you are and what you want before you ask. She also knows how much money you […]

10 Feb 2022


Americans do not consume enough. We buys all kinds of things and they end up accumulating in our garages instead of being properly ingested and digested. Some people do it right. They are easy to pick out. They have a confident look and swagger of over-consumption. The rest of us need to find more space and I’m putting my investment dollars into creating such space; secure modern storage space, not those crappy rows of cinder block boxes but instead, free-standing […]

09 Feb 2022


I thought it was odd to see and old TV sitting on the side of the road out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe not so odd, though. People have a way of conveniently disposing of their unwanted things along the side of the road out in the middle of nowhere. At least it wasn’t smashed up. I figured maybe I could dispose of it properly somewhere and put it in my trunk. As I drove down the road I […]

08 Feb 2022


Some people think the apocalipso is coming. Four horsemen, fire and brimstone, locust, cats and dogs, poison ivy, flat beer, sour wine, the end of all good times. You never know, eh? Assuming world devastation I set up my all natural, organic home defenses. I don’t want to hurt anyone but one needs to defend one’s castle, even if it’s just an old Chevy van down by the river. To ward off post apocalipso zombies and pre-apocalipso zombies, I built […]