Walter had it with dating sites
He struggled to create the perfect profile. He took a million selfies in his car to get just the right look. He browsed his dating sites everyday (he belonged to eight of them) and sent out hundreds of cute, respectful messages to prospective dates.
His hit rate was about 11%. Eleven out of a hundred women responded and most of those were admonishments to leave them alone. So far after 6-8 months he’d been on about 3 dates,
What’s a guy to do? Get a dog! Right? Chicks love dogs.
He did a little research and found “Get a Date Kennels.” Their website guaranteed that their highly trained dogs would break the thickest ice with any member of the opposite sex.
So Walter drove out to Clumtocky Pa to see what they had. The dogs were very nice, friendly but not jumpy. Most were above the 50 pound threshold. The owners were admirers of Ron Swanson, who always maintained that any dog less than 50 pounds was a cat and cats are useless.
While real dogs are the best, the owners had plenty of smaller dogs. They correctly reasoned that people coming to see them were not trying to date Ron Swanson. No matter what their size their dogs were smart and well trained. Soe were trained to be man catchers and others to be chick magnets.
Walter had a hard time deciding which dog he wanted and ended up taking two, named Beatle and Chip. When he got home, he took them out for a test run and found out just how smart and well trained they were.
They totally ignore women accompanied by large men or by men with guns. They also made sure to keep Walter away from women with wedding rings and especially far away from women who carried small dogs in their purses.
They were always on the lookout. If a datatable woman came along they would exchange a few barks with each other and then go into an irresistible routine that never failed to draw the woman over and start a conversation. It worked every time.
If a less desirable person tried to approach, they were both ready with a full bladder to ward them off. As I found out, guys who wanted to take their picture fell into that category.
Since getting Beatle and Chip, Walter has been on many happy dates.
