The Rat Men are an incredibly proud cult based in south Jersey and their numbers are growing.

They have numerous lodges (called Nests) throughout the region where they hoard food and squeak to each other. Initiates are called Mice. It takes about two years or more to learn the squeaking and become a full fledge Rat Man.

They are very big on vaccines: COVID, measles, rabies, plague, etc. No one is allowed in the Nests without one. Special rat masks are also required, but. You also have to be well groomed. No one is allowed to be dirty in the Nests. Pipers are also not allowed.

Recruitment is booming. These guys are very convincing. I would have signed up if I lived in south Jersey. I took one of their brochures and I’m hoping they’ll build a Nest around here.

The application is 23 pages long. You have to answer a lot questions about stuff from quantum physics to obscene rap lyrics. If you are accepted you need to sign a Rat Pact. They seem to be pretty secretive.

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