It could be the answer to our current crisis. It is a newly synthesized molecule that both treats symptoms and immunizes.

If you get sick you get a shot. You’re cured and are fully vaccinated.

It’s such an elegant solution and was designed accidently by artificial intelligence at CELAXAPHIN.

CELAXAPHIN is a logistics firm coordinating supply side load with demand side demand and depletion depreciation. It does a lot of complex modeling and relies heavily on organic algorithms that continuously self adapt.

Javis, a newly hired IT guy at CELAXAPHIN Corporation was making his rounds one afternoon cleaning out viruses downloaded from pornsite and he took a break to do a little news browsing.

He was engrossed in an article about CRISPER when there was a unexpected power disruption. The lights flickered for a moment and every computer self-rebooted. The computer Javis was browsing on automatically downloaded the CRISPER article into the network where it became entangled in the logistics algorithms.

The system’s AI latched onto the article and scoured the internet for every paper ever written about gene splicing. It then hacked into unsecured lab doing RNA research, stole all of its data and synthesized an entirely new molecule which it began manufacturing it secretly at a pancake syrup plant.

None of the workers there every got sick, despite being huge NASCAR fans. Blood testing and double blind studies confirmed they were immune. So were all the customers at Pankake Shacks across the country where the syrup was used. It wasn’t long (about 8 months) before epidemiologists discovered what was happening.

The CELAXAPHIN immediately bought the plant and now manufactures and packages the syrup in mini alcohol bottle, labelled One Shot.

It is being marketed as a pig laxative and is already being widely endorsed by Fox News. You can get it in hardware stores.

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