Don’t call him a pied piper. He’ll punch you in the crotch. He sees himself more as an assassin.

When the pandemic hit in 2020 Reednik, TX  out on the edge of the Chihuahuan Desert started seeing an influx of remote workers, mostly techies from California.  Reednik is a decent town with excellent infrastructure and a low cost of living.

At first locals were OK with a few new neighbors.  They added to the tax base and shopped locally.  They didn’t overcrowd the schools and had entertaining beards.

Once word got out more and more of these folks moved in and things started changing.  One of the newbies started a health food store.  Another newly arrived young couple opened a vegan restaurant.  They all started hanging out at the local coffee shop reading the New York Times on their iPhones and playing GO.

The town had a liberals infestation and they knew they needed to do something about it before the libs started voting each other onto the school board and town government.

The mayor and council convened a secret emergency meeting to discuss what to do.  The council overwhelming wanted to just shoot them which would be perfectly legal under the State’s Stand Your Ground Law.   It was their ground and these libs were definitely threatening.

The mayor vetoed the shooting, though.  It would be too messy.  Blood is hard to clean, especially in hot weather. Instead he brought in Alessandro, the Lib Eradicator.

Alessandro is an underground legend in Texas.  He’s cleared out libs from towns across the state and likes desert towns the best.

He fetches $10,000 per day and is worth it.  It rarely takes him more than a day to do his deed.

He starts innocently strumming a few melodies at hip coffee shops on a Sunday morning after the Sunday Times has been delivered and the places are packed.

He’ll then add some harmonica and that’s when things start happening. People drop their papers and start staring off into space. (Locals aren’t affected.)

When all the libs seem pretty zonked he gets up and walks out. Everyone follows him. He makes his way to all the new stores and restaurants emptying them out as well. With a sizable crowd following him he’ll visit the house of every new resident making sure he gathers them all up and then leads them about a mile or so out into the desert where he takes their cell phones away.

Then he simply leaves them there. About 30 minutes after the music stops everyone’s heads clear up and they find themselves totally lost and disoriented. Without their GPS most of them can’t even figure out which way is up much less how to find their way back to town.

Without their water bottles they quickly become dehydrated and disoriented. Some of them start eating sand thinking its a sandwich. Others try to climb imaginary ladders which keep falling over.

It’s not long before their bleached bones are scattered across the hot dry sands of Chihuahuan and Reednik is happily back to normal.

Comments are closed.