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22 Jan 2022


A few years ago, everyone was freaked out about electromagnetic radiation. Being in an electromagnetic field (EMF) too long would turn your insides to jelly or so they said. It doesn’t.  It mainly only affects the brain.  It does turn it into mush, it makes it mushier and in a good way.  None of this has been studied or proven but who are you going to believe? Thoughts are billions of tiny electric sparks jumping from neuron to neuron.  If […]

21 Jan 2022

WILD COWS (Bovine americanus)

It isn’t true that the colonist wipe out native cows. They are relatively small, their numbers are greatly reduced, but they can still be found in certain areas if you know how to look. Very often they are mistaken for deer. They are the same color but are squatter, have shorter, thicker necks, horns instead of antlers, long tails and they fart a lot. Their scat is significantly different, too. Deer poop consist of pellets and look a little like […]

20 Jan 2022


There was a time when if you wanted to wipe out all the living creatures in your house had to wrap it up and pump in sulfuryl fluoride or some other equally lethal gas. Horrible stuff. Bad for the environment, bad for people. Just bad, bad, bad. Dietrich has an alternative. It’s an all-natural, organic, wholistic, pet-friendly , low-cost, effective approach. He calls it “Fungteria®.” It’s his own invention. No toxic chemicals, no fumes, no tent, no EPA approval. Fungteria® […]

19 Jan 2022


Now that it costs about $500 to fill your truck, many pick-em-up drivers are making the leap to electric even if they have to do it themselves. Larry and Earl, brothers who live in out in Kebunk County, Iowa, did not want to shell out $40-60 grand for an electric truck when they knew they could build their own. They’d seen plenty of YouTube videos and it really wasn’t that hard as long as you could get the parts. They […]

18 Jan 2022


Frank used to be a masked vigilante.  He was a Zorro with a yellow mask, orange tights, a teal sash and a red do-rag. He carried a saber and he knew how to use it. The authorities did not officially approve of his candle cutting and bad guy scaring but crime was almost non-existent because of him so they looked the other way.  What the hell, he saved them a ton of paperwork. After a while there was no crime […]

17 Jan 2022


Sus was a reluctant but gracious guru. Sus credited his mother, Suidae, with his insights and ability to communicate with humans and other species. When she was a piglet, her farmer caretaker always left the radio on in the barn, thinking it kept the animals company. The radio was tuned to sports talk radio and the animal found it annoying. The hosts were mostly empty-headed morons, and the animals couldn’t call in to challenge their vacuous opinions and sophomoric insights. […]

16 Jan 2022


How many of your best garments are labelled “Dry Clean Only?” I usually only wear jeans, sweatshirts and cheap polyester polos but I do have a nice suit. It cost me 40 bucks at the local thrift store and is one of them “dry clean only” garments. One day when I was eating some mega fries, I spilled a bucket of ketchup on it. The red ketchup went well with the yellow suit but it got really crusty when it […]

15 Jan 2022
Ultra Frankenfood


You can’t go wrong with french fries, especially mega fries.  The bigger the better and leave it to American ingenuity to deliver. Every culture on earth and beyond cherishes fries and consumes them in massive quantities. Here in the US we coat them in ketchup and cheese. In the UK, it’s vinegar. The Palooka People in the South Pacific coat them with fermented snail slime. I like mine soaked in Listerine. Seventy thousand million tons of fries are consumed every […]

14 Jan 2022


Sal was quite a ladder dancer in his day. Women drove from miles around to see his act and maybe climb up a rung or two and tuck dollars in the waistband of his shorts.. He originated ladder dancing which was widely imitated in ladies-only strip clubs. It actually started with a burned out light bulb back in the 80s. Sal was rather buff back then when he was working for the G Spot in Kearny NJ. He was a […]

13 Jan 2022


Attendance was down at the little chapel on the highway leading out of town. People were losing interest. Services were boring and the doughnuts afterwards were stale. Old Paster Lucas never threw out the uneaten ones and kept serving them. They dated back several years. He recycled the coffee too. It had things growing in it. Although ancient and seemingly feeble, Paster Lucas had a deeply held secret. In his youth he became a pagan demon with horns and a […]