Cicadas emerge every year, burrowing up from the soil, molting their old carapaces then taking to wing to find a mate. It’s a one shot deal. Each year is a different brood. This past year, 2021, it was the legendary Brood X, the biggest brood of all.

In late spring/early summer about 30 million billion of these happy, horny bugs emerged and went nuts, flying around, singing and fucking.

What’s not commonly known about them is how sweet they are.

Wally found out about this and got a brilliant idea. Why not milk them see what you get.

After some experimenting, he perfected tiny little milking machines and could hook up hundreds of the juicy bugs at a time. Once milked they were released to go about their “business”. Wally collected gallons of the bug juice, boiled it down a little to make it thicker and added some cinnamon for a little extra flavor.

Cicada being milked.

At first people were reluctant to try any, but Wally was persuasive and had an ace in his back pocket. He let people try a teaspoon to see how good it was. After a few minutes the nectar started making them feel warm, a good warm. They felt dreamy and relaxed. Colors became more vivid, sounds more distinct, aromas more intense and pleasant. They wanted to find someone to love.

Naturally they bought a jar of the nectar even though it was priced a $250.00 a pound. The jars ranged from one to five pounds. The five pound jars sold out first.

Wally made out well. He’s just hoping he’ll be around in 17 years to do it again. He kept a few pounds for himself to make the wait more enjoyable.

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