The Black Rock monastery is carved into a massive rock mountain, deep, deep in the Everglade. It is an isolated and forbidding place.

Its lookout tower soars high above the secretive entrance to the monastery and has a 360 degree unobstructed view for hundreds of miles. It is manned 24 hours a day by Black Rock monks equipped with laser-guided gas grenade launchers.

Anyone who comes within view of the rock is immediately gassed with hydrogen dioxide oximalithate which renders them slightly dazed and dreamy. They often wander off into the glades only to be swallowed by a python.

Nothing is known about the monks except who they are, all their names and social security numbers, where they are from, the names and addresses of their relatives, what they do in that rock and their secret handshake.

They are of an ancient order dating back to the origin of man, around the time our species was launching its extermination spree, beginning with the gentle neanderthals and wooly mammoths. Their quest is to eliminate every plant and animal that can’t be eaten, make you high or used to make a profit.

They’ve been very successful.

It’s quite comfortable inside the Rock. Every monk has his or her own niche with a waterbed and a lava lamp. They spend half their day meditating and eating. The rest of the day is dedicated to identifying vulnerable species and determining the most efficient way to eliminate them.

Their quest has become easier and more difficult at the same time. By the time they identify a species worthy of elimination, it becomes extinct before they even take action.

They don’t even bother anymore.

They found the easiest thing to do is to set up a dark money PAC and funnel obscene amounts of cash to conservative political candidates. Works like a charm.

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