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WILD COWS (Bovine americanus)

It isn’t true that the colonist wipe out native cows. They are relatively small, their numbers are greatly reduced, but they can still be found in certain areas if you know how to look.

Very often they are mistaken for deer. They are the same color but are squatter, have shorter, thicker necks, horns instead of antlers, long tails and they fart a lot.

Their scat is significantly different, too. Deer poop consist of pellets and look a little like Milk Duds. They have a gamey taste which varies between summer and winter depending on what the deer are eating. They are sweeter in summer and chewier in winter.

Wild cow poop is larger and frequently full of gravel or stone. They eat gravel and stones to help them grind up their food which consists of bark, wood, leaves, snails, ferns, mushrooms and pretty much anything slow enough for them to catch and eat. Their poop is almost flavorless but has a strong bouquet, reminiscent of a leaking septic system.

Hunters sometimes mistakenly blast one but then leave it be. If you shoot one it lets out an incredible amount of hydrogen sulfide which will make you pass out and possibly die if you are too close and get a big whiff. Hydrogen sulfide is also highly flammable and native cows frequent explode if shot at close range (less than 100 feet.). The entrails are extremely sticky and will permanently ruin a nifty hunting outfit.

Pennsylvania Game Commission posts warnings about shooting wild cows on State Gameland properties and has videos on its webpage on how to recognize them. Despite the dangers of shooting them and the awful taste of the meat, they are in season from Oct 15 – Dec 15.

For hunters who enjoy exploding game, Cabelas sells fashionable wild bovine hunting outfits.

Cabela’s wild bovine hunting outfit.

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