Frank used to be a masked vigilante. He was a Zorro with a yellow mask, orange tights, a teal sash and a red do-rag. He carried a saber and he knew how to use it. The authorities did not officially approve of his candle cutting and bad guy scaring but crime was almost non-existent because of him so they looked the other way. What the hell, he saved them a ton of paperwork. After a while there was no crime […]
Sus was a reluctant but gracious guru. Sus credited his mother, Suidae, with his insights and ability to communicate with humans and other species. When she was a piglet, her farmer caretaker always left the radio on in the barn, thinking it kept the animals company. The radio was tuned to sports talk radio and the animal found it annoying. The hosts were mostly empty-headed morons, and the animals couldn’t call in to challenge their vacuous opinions and sophomoric insights. […]
How many of your best garments are labelled “Dry Clean Only?” I usually only wear jeans, sweatshirts and cheap polyester polos but I do have a nice suit. It cost me 40 bucks at the local thrift store and is one of them “dry clean only” garments. One day when I was eating some mega fries, I spilled a bucket of ketchup on it. The red ketchup went well with the yellow suit but it got really crusty when it […]
You can’t go wrong with french fries, especially mega fries. The bigger the better and leave it to American ingenuity to deliver. Every culture on earth and beyond cherishes fries and consumes them in massive quantities. Here in the US we coat them in ketchup and cheese. In the UK, it’s vinegar. The Palooka People in the South Pacific coat them with fermented snail slime. I like mine soaked in Listerine. Seventy thousand million tons of fries are consumed every […]
Sal was quite a ladder dancer in his day. Women drove from miles around to see his act and maybe climb up a rung or two and tuck dollars in the waistband of his shorts.. He originated ladder dancing which was widely imitated in ladies-only strip clubs. It actually started with a burned out light bulb back in the 80s. Sal was rather buff back then when he was working for the G Spot in Kearny NJ. He was a […]
Attendance was down at the little chapel on the highway leading out of town. People were losing interest. Services were boring and the doughnuts afterwards were stale. Old Paster Lucas never threw out the uneaten ones and kept serving them. They dated back several years. He recycled the coffee too. It had things growing in it. Although ancient and seemingly feeble, Paster Lucas had a deeply held secret. In his youth he became a pagan demon with horns and a […]
Dr. Roy Obit, PhD, LLC, LTD is a neurological researcher and inventor. He specializes in thoughts, other people’s thoughts, men’s thoughts in particular. Dr. Roy is investigating how often men think about sex. One study indicated men think about sex about 19 times a day on average. The study relied on subjects self-reporting how often their minds were in their pants. It’s probably an underestimate. If a guy is lost in fleshy musings, what’s the likelihood he’ll going to stop […]
Flash back to the moon race years. Anyone who watched TV, read a magazine or listened to the radio back then remembers Space Paste. It was heavily advertised and sponsored several popular shows including the Jetsons (of course). Space Paste was a very advanced total nutrition and dental hygiene system originally designed for astronauts. With just one brushing you could get a full day’s supply of protein, carbs, fats, vitamins, minerals, fiber, fructose and calories. To make sure the nutrients […]
The Rat Men are an incredibly proud cult based in south Jersey and their numbers are growing. They have numerous lodges (called Nests) throughout the region where they hoard food and squeak to each other. Initiates are called Mice. It takes about two years or more to learn the squeaking and become a full fledge Rat Man. They are very big on vaccines: COVID, measles, rabies, plague, etc. No one is allowed in the Nests without one. Special rat masks […]
Trevor didn’t start out to be a daredevil. He suffered from Thrill Creep, always looking for a bigger rush. It started when his parents bought him a trampoline, one of the most dangerous lures for people subject to TC. All it takes is a few bounces to trigger it and Trevor was no exception. Once he got on the tramp all he wanted to do was to bounce higher and higher. It wasn’t long before he mastered bouncing and was […]